Valentine to My Parents and Single Chicas

I think my Valentine this year, truly, is my parents.

November 2, we moved from Illinois to Kansas. They were retiring here and I have been wanting to come home to Wichita at least five years, since all our family is still here.

I took a huge risk. I left 30 years of stability — and 3.5 years with a job– to start over.

I just wanted to be where all the love is. I miss my Illinois friends, sure.

But some four months in, I don’t regret any of that decision. I’m slowly building a life in Kansas. I haven’t found a job yet, I’m still searching.

And I tend to be an anxious woman, imagining the worst case of every scenario.  But in the past month I’m settling into a burgeoning sense of optimism. I believe that I will continue to propel myself forward.  That only good things are coming my way. I believe in my own judgement and ability to discern the right time when making choices.

And my parents are the ones who gave that to me. They are both conservative people raised in large, close families. Both deeply rooted in Catholicism, Stoicism, and work.

One of my biggest doubts when deciding to move here was about whether I should give up all my independence and live with them again. I’ve been out of the home since 18 except for summers in college and a few months until I got my first job after graduation.

I’m used to living alone. Taking a bath at 4 a.m. if I want. Coming in whatever time I want. Having all the living space to spread out. To make and receive calls randomly.

It’s been an adjustment, three adults sharing living space with vastly different habits.

It’s also been a tremendous gift. I will get my own place and move out, but this time right now is something I’ll remember. Proximity forces you to notice each other in new ways.

My parents have also made Valentine’s Day a special day for us as a family by exchanging gifts with each other and me each year. My Dad brought chocolate for us both and a generous bouquet of red roses. I got some dark chocolate truffles for Diane and deviled eggs for my Dad, and a card for them both. Diane does so much for us every day. Little practical things like getting the coffee ready to go.

One of the best moments today was putting make-up on with Diane. I’m going out with some new chicas tonight to see “Isn’t it Romantic?” starring the brilliant Rebel Wilson. We bought our tickets ahead online. I’m smuggling in some candy to save cash– cherry Blow Pops. I suggested wearing red lipstick and they were game!

Diane complimented my make-up and I showed her what products I used. She then showed me some of her reds and let me try a few on. I had said that my original one made my lips look a little thin. She thought I looked better with a slightly darker tone.

I don’t remember doing this with her as a young girl. But I’m glad we did tonight. Just having her share her make-up with me and look at me to give me advice felt special.

She is going out tonight to dinner with my Dad and another couple. They’re helping each other find pieces of their ensembles, fixing collars. It’s sweet to watch.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to do that with my own husband. I can hope, right?

So this year, I claim Valentine’s Day for celebrating family love and new female friendships. All my female friends back home were either married or in serious relationships or had moved away, so I could never make “Galentine’s Day” plans like this with them. Now here in Wichita, I have new single friends and I love it!

2019 is off to a great start!

 

 

 

 

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Dear Forever Valentine, Thank You

Because you (I!) deserve a love letter today. Self, you are always by my side!

First, I am proud of you.

I see a woman who has nothing to prove this year. She is wearing overalls because they are what she feels comfortable wearing, and she’s STOKED at the ’90s are back in that style! With it, a pink and white baseball shirt because it’s a little feminine but also practical. Today she is wearing no make-up. Her hair is shorn in a pixie, which makes her feel free– she loves the feeling of the icy wind on her neck. She often goes without a hat, but zips her coat up to the hilt instead.

This year has been about realigning with what you need, and putting that into action. And you are making great strides every day! Even when you think I don’t notice the progress, I do. Even when no one else does, I see.

I believe in and admire you, Amee. I adore that name– your mother chose it with care. It’s not something to be found on pencils, which you used to resent. It’s singular and a little bit exotic–French. There is nothing typical about you. You forge your own way in every aspect of your life– you don’t do things like everyone else.

You are unafraid to sacrifice in the present for something you know will be better in the future. You are committed to what you need even when it’s not fun or popular. You are learning to value your own voice most. You can weather questions and the assumptions of others with increasing grace.

Like all humans, you have walls to protect yourself. Your heart is not impulsive as it once was, although sometimes I know you long for those days. Those were beautiful times of innocence, important to teach you lessons. Of loss, of how to lose yourself in giving. Of appreciating someone even when they don’t understand why you love them. You seek to understand others and comfort them.

You know how to love with abandon, commitment and safety.

You accept that not everyone deserves what you want to give– you are more patient. You demand that people prove to you that they are sincere. Never admonish yourself for that– it’s been learned with fire.

You always rise. You may slow down, you may hold yourself back with caution.

But conserving your energy and valuing what you possess to give others is something wonderful and smart.

Keep doing that.

Everything that you need is on its way to you. It is happening at exactly the right time and speed– just continue to trust in your judgement.

You are more real than many who put up a better facade. When you’re not happy, you don’t pretend. You’re polite and professional when needed, but never insincere. That is something glorious– the ability to know how you’re feeling and not be ashamed of it. That takes tremendous courage– it’s a skill not everyone has yet learned.

That writer heart of yours beats steady. I can always depend on you. We are always together.

Whatever comes your way, you will handle it with aplomb.

I am grateful that you preserve that delightful spark of silly, that propensity for wackiness. I am glad that you see beauty in the most ordinary circumstances.

You are loyal, affectionate, serious.

Thank you for not changing for anyone.

You are my favorite. I love you! You are beautiful and strong.

You are making peace with uncertainty and deciding to be your own hero.

And that is the best Valentine’s gift I could ever give you.

Always,

All the Love You Possess

The Greatest Love of All: Why I’m Choosing to be my own valentine, or Quirkyalone!

“Just another day,” a friend of mine said earlier tonight as we discussed Valentine’s Day looming.

Not for me! And this year, I am proud to be my own valentine.

On Feb. 11, I was saddened indeed to learn of Whitney Houston‘s death. I remember buying “The Bodyguard” Soundtrack on cassette tape. I still have it, that’s how uncool I am. Her voice was only hers– no one sounds like Whitney. She was a great actress as well as singer– but she was human, like anyone else. I don’t think anyone should be judging her now– fame is a burden that most of us couldn’t live to carry. She inspired millions.

I’m paying tribute in this post because Whitney’s version of the George Benson song, “The Greatest Love of All,” really epitomizes the sentiment of how I choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.

I was at Barnes & Noble, intending to purchase a new novel as a valentine gift for myself.

And then my heart told me where to go: the journals.

At every visit, I end up ogling them. There was one particular journal I had been eyeing for months– but it was luxurious. Made in Italy, the suede journal is a unabashed scarlet, with inlaid designs on the cover. Two strips of scarlet leather reach across the journal and are fastened by a metal clasp, which can be loosened.

Right then, I decided buying this journal was the best valentine’s present I could give myself. The bold color inspired me.

What if everyday, I was excited about my life as I am right now? I hope to find out.

For Valentine’s Day, I’ll write in my red journal, and do things that make me happy.

Thus, I decided to begin a new relationship with myself. By spoiling myself with this extravagant journal, I’m making a commitment to me.

I told the female cashier my plan, and she loved the idea. I walked out with a dreamy smile, feeling like a strong woman who is finally starting to understand herself.

Then I drove to Officemax, and bought multi-colored gel pens! So I can scribble away in one of eight colors, selecting the one that matches my mood at that moment.

I now have a beautiful new scarlet leather journal, and eight pens of inspiring colors.

I will begin this journal tomorrow, on Valentine’s Day.

I will write about what makes me happy! I’ll write about what I do to celebrate, alone.

Not single– but alone.

“Single” is still a term used to define marital status. The rest of that sentence is, “I”m single, without a man.”

Whatever your orientation or gender, “single,” implies that you’re somehow only half. And I’m a whole.

So I choose to identify as joyfully alone.

Even better, quirky alone.

Happy International Quirky Alone Day!!

Because Whitney was right:

“Because the greatest love of all

is happening to me

I found the greatest love of all

inside of me.”