The last time I gave up dating for Lent was in 2011; the impetus for this blog.
Now I’ve been doing online dating for about 2.5 months. It takes a lot of energy!
I’ve been on some good dates. And some stinkers!
Most recently, I went out with a gentleman who was very sweet and respectful. We had cappuccinos and then took a good long walk. We had a lingering hug in the parking lot. Then he sprang forward and gave me the cutest little kiss on the lips! Like, “Hey, let’s get this over with!” I was surprised and laughed– it was innocent. I appreciated that. I felt like I was with a friend who unconditionally accepted me. I told him more than I normally would reveal on a first date. He was very calm and a great listener. Stylish.
But we had a giant gap in cultures. He was raised in a family of over 15 children! And his father was a polygamist with two wives. Both families lived together in one house– different floors. He is on a student visa, getting a Ph.D. But his home country is not one that is kind to women– in fact, it’s known for being oppressive. We also have vastly different religions, although his deep faith was attractive. I enjoyed getting to know him but knew the cultural divide was just too severe– I’m not comfortable with those traditions. I have no desire to be in a possible future international relationship. I don’t even want to date someone who lives outside Wichita! And I’d prefer if they are on the East side, close to me. But I’m always looking to the Big Picture and he also admitted he’s not looking for something serious right now, while he’s only living here for to finish his degree. He definitely wants to move back home.
It was wonderful to be with someone who paid up-front without any pause. Who told me I was “more beautiful than the picture.” Who texted me roses, was always encouraging and had a gentle personality. It reminded me of what a date SHOULD be– easy. Fun, not awkward! I felt very safe with him.
It was Fat Tuesday when I went out to a bar with some Catholic friends. I mentioned this casually, and one of my besties jumped on me about it– agreeing this was a great idea. “I’m going to hold you accountable!” she said with a smile. Until then it was just a whim, but suddenly, I was committed. I knew she’d be following up with me the next day. Later on, I told her sister and immediately started laughing because she sprang into action as well: “Delete the app right now!” she said, taking my phone. There was a tall woman next to me I’d never met prior, but suddenly she, too, was invested in helping me do this. For some reason we couldn’t get it done, but they did open the app and convince me to temporarily disable my account until Lent is over. The three of us spent several minutes on this mission, laughing. About 15 minutes later, I finally was able to DELETE the app!
I do feel relieved. No more notification e-mails. No more swiping or messaging.
Now is a good time to turn my face to our Lord. To free up some extra time. Maybe something I should add is registering officially with the parish I’ve been attending. I just finished a group book study there held over several weeks. Another bestie of mine here just began a women’s small group Bible study at her home, on Tuesday nights. I have gotten lazy with my prayers. Maybe I should be making a concerted effort to pray each day. Making sure I don’t miss Sunday Mass during Lent. Attending Stations of the Cross,which is one of my favorite parts of Lent.
Time to re-direct that energy. I’m ready, God! Show me where you need me. Direct me to help fulfill your plans. Inspire my willing heart.
Your humble daughter