I had some great moments with my family this Superbowl Sunday, as we gathered at my parents’ home.
Waiting for the game to start, we were chatting in the kitchen. My aunt, who I adore, was talking with my step-mother, Diane. My aunt is a generous, hilarious, devoted woman– but also quite conservative.
Her reaction to a story Diane was telling about a woman she knows was to interject, “Without a HUSBAND?”
“You don’t need a husband to be happy,” Diane said in her calm way.
A bit later, my aunt referenced a man I had been texting as I was celebrating Christmas Day at her home. I updated her, announcing that I ended it and have moved on. And that currently, I’m not seeing anyone.
And I’m happy.
She laughed and said “You are a woman chauvinist!” and that I date a lot.
I won’t deny it, I did. Currently I’m off dating, and feeling relieved. I’m no chauvinist.
In stark contrast, anyone who knows me would correctly name me a strong Feminist.
I then sang a few bars: “Oohhhh, here she comes. Watch out boys, she’ll chew you up! She’s a MMMAAAAAAAAAAAN-eater!”
They laughed, I laughed. Finally, I had the perfect clap back! The conversation moved on.
After dating that last guy, I realized I’d rather just focus on my own life– truly. There was a part of me who felt I *should be dating someone, just because I’m 36. And that’s bollocks. I even took the plunge and deleted the dating profile I was using. I don’t need the comfort of having “a line in the water.” The moment it was gone, I felt free.
I only watched the game for Gaga’s half-time show– with was magnificent, for “A Million Reasons.” She was courageous, flawless, mesmerizing.
Gaga is single and she’s having the time of her life! Her career is sky-rocketing.
On Friday, my friend Heather and I dressed up as Wayne and Garth for a 25th Anniversary showing of “Wayne’s World,” at a local theatre. I’m a brunette, she’s a blonde, we put on some ripped jeans and I bought a hat from Amazon for authenticity. She ratted up her hair and donned a flannel. We met Tia Carrere (Cassandra,) who was impressed with our female cosplay and said upon meeting us, “I love your work!” We took selfies and had more fun together than I think we’ve ever had.
I’m becoming more interested in my friends, my family. I’ve been really connecting with my girlfriends in a new way since then– and it’s energizing!
I’m asking more questions of them, listening better to the details. I’m not feeling wistful for a man in my life. I’m grounded in the present- not ruminating on my past exes, not dreaming of a future man.
Rather, I resolved to pursue my friendships and make plans with them the way I used to pursue dating. And you know what? I feel a whole lot better. I’m in more frequent contact with these ladies. I’m less stressed.
At 36, people consider it either tragic or a joke if you’re single. You can’t just be a woman living her life– you must be either desperate, bitter, or a resigned spinster. I used to feel offended by these inquisitions.
I’m just Amee.
Tonight, I could laugh it off and change the subject with aplomb! What a milestone for my self-esteem.
As we watched the game, I was sitting on the couch on the right of my step-mom, Diane. She then scooted next to me and put her arm around me– which she’s never done before. She’s a wonderful woman but not very touchy-feely or physically affectionate.
I relaxed and leaned back against her arm, into her shoulder. She was sticking up for me. She and her sister are best friends, but she certainly understands being criticized by her. And Diane didn’t marry my Dad (her only marriage) until she was 53. We had a great little conversation. Eventually we sat up and moved apart a little and returned to watching the game, but it was something I’ll cherish forever.
That moment happened because I’m single and she’s proud of me.
She obviously remembers what this feels like, to be judged on a no-relationship status.
And she ended up with my Dad, who is both perfect for her and perfectly devoted to her.
I’m finally at a point where I am at peace.
My thirties continue to become better and better.