Today, I tried to end my commitment to bring Holy Communion. I never expected she would protest.
Going in, I saw her son about to drive her daughter to a doctor’s appointment. And her daughter was happy to see me, and she squeezed my hand as I told her goodbye and wished her a good appointment. I offered her Holy Communion, but she said no this time. I wasn’t going to bum her out right before that, but realized I would miss her, too. I waved to her brother, and let myself in as usual.
And their mother was watching TV as usual, but turned the volume down for me to give me her full attention.
She always wears a Rosary, which I find endearing. She put her hands together to accept Holy Communion, and I administered it to her.
I then tried to have a conversation explaining why I would like to continue visiting them, but as a friend– not to continue on as I have been, as a “Minister of Care.” That’s what it’s called to visit people’s homes who can’t make it to Mass for health reasons or due to older age.
She listened and was understanding…. but was also visibly disappointed. I was surprised by that!
I found myself apologizing, saying I thought she deserved someone to could be more consistent. I told her my schedule may be changing soon, that I can’t commit to coming every week like I have been. That I’d like to continue visiting her and her family, that they’ve become special to me. But that I’d like to just be friends.
And it felt like a break-up conversation, honestly. And in a way, that’s what I attempted. I wanted to keep the friendship without the responsibility. But to my shock, she didn’t mind that I have to re-schedule at times.
She accepts me and what I’m able to give her unconditionally.
She said it’s been nice having me there every week. That she’d miss seeing me. Could I still come by?
And it forces me to wonder, what exactly am I searching for in a different parish? Is it worth giving up the connection I’ve built with this family?
I’m valued more than I realized. I would miss them, too.
I called Sister Bea and talked to her about it and she said it was up to me. But she said this family and I have developed a special friendship… and I found myself smiling.
Am I really searching for something different? Or is it already within me, if I give it a chance?
Something to ponder. Something to pray on.