The Last Astrologer

I was in Chicago today, and popped into a shop I saw on the street.

An astrologer. There weren’t many books, just a few items on display. It was mainly a space for her to do readings.

I decided to get one. It wasn’t that much. I’ve had them sporadically throughout my life.

But today was the last time. I think I’ve just gotten a lot smarter, better at smelling bullshit.

We went to her corner, with two leather chairs.

She had me place my right hand on open Bible, and repeat my name three times.

I was leery, but wondered what would happen.

Then she grasped my hand to read my energy.

And I have to say, I was impressed. She was more on the money than anyone else has been. She told me several things immediately that were facts, very specific about my life. She was aggressive.

I sat quietly and never offered anything unless she asked.

But there was also a point later on when it was so obvious she was just throwing darts, hoping something would stick. She asked me about what symptoms I might be feeling…. I had none of them. She was groping for some sort of malady. She said she sensed a “dark energy,” around me. That I’ve visited others before and didn’t follow instructions. Why, she wanted to know?

Because it’s a hustle, that’s why.

While she was reading my energy, she got a phone call. “Let me take this,” she said. Dropping my hand.

It seemed to be a girlfriend. She kept saying, “My dear,” and arranged to make plans for the next night. Then she apologized, and took up my hand again to resume.

I was aghast at her unprofessionalism, but curious about how this would play out.

She made a few other observations. Sat back. Contemplated. Then leaned forward and tried to close the sale. She already had the money, but she was hoping to land a bigger fish.

Because for the low price of $280, she was willing to “open my case.” She kept saying, “I’m talking to you like I would my own sister.” The syrupy over-familiarity. The pointed eye-contact. It was just so obvious.

Another time, in my hometown, a woman made a similar pitch to me. She then offered to burn some exotic 20 foot candle from Africa for something like 72 hours for me, and dig into my karma. I think that deal was selling for around $150. I told her thanks, but I can handle this on my own, and never went back.

I think working in sales has wised me up a lot– no one can bullshit me anymore.

I’m one of the few salespeople who does NOT bullshit. I don’t push anyone to buy– I’m just matter-of-fact with them. The product is excellent, so it sells itself. I’m very serious at work. I don’t pretend to be their best friend, use their name a bunch of times, and I’m not touchy-feely.  I don’t put down other brands. I don’t need to, because I know that mine stands on its own. I’m very lucky to work for an excellent company that is both ethical and supportive.

But the majority of salespeople are unethical, and tell you anything necessary to close a sale. If you waver, they will turn up the heat. I had a boss like this once, years ago. She was successful, but also practically soulless. Once, she wanted me to call back a client of mine who had just spent $300 hours ago and pressure them to spend ANOTHER $200. Just so her numbers would be better! I refused to do it, and was disgusted by her. All our clients hated her, because they knew she was so phony. But that’s how the typical “successful” salesperson is. They will pressure you, and don’t care about your needs, your feelings or your budget, as long as they get their quota met. They want another raise, they want a bonus, they want a vacation, they want to beat the competition, they want a promotion. They squash whoever gets in their way, and they do it without a second thought. They are friends with whoever can benefit them at the moment, and have no loyalty to anyone but themselves.

I do believe that some people have powers. Growing up, I had a friend who could see ghosts. She had prophetic dreams. She knew what was happening before I even told her, sometimes it was eerie. I used to envy her.

Now I’m glad I don’t know these things. I can’t imagine how it must feel to literally be haunted. How could you sleep? I’ve met several people in my life who were clairvoyant in some way or another. They are empaths. I’ve met three people who could see auras.

Apparently your aura is like a mood ring– it changes according to your current energy.

But these people are not exploiting people to make a living. They reserve their gifts for friends, or they charge a modest fee and have other jobs that sustain them. These are good, honest people.

I can see how a gullible person could so easily be sucked into this. They would return often, forming a relationship very like a therapist. They would never make a decision without consulting their “spiritual guide” first, and would spend thousands of dollars doing it.

“Maybe your chakras need to be balanced,” she told me.

No, they don’t. My chakras are fine, thanks.

I know who I am. I know what I believe.

And now I understand why religion is such a commodity.

Astrology is not for me. It’s just a convenient way to label people.

I know my faith is getting stronger, because nothing sways me anymore.

I don’t need approval the way I once did. I don’t need answers from everyone else.

I trust my gut, because I know that it is right. And I move forward.

I do believe in prayer.

That was the creepiest reading I’ve ever had. And the last one.

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One comment on “The Last Astrologer

  1. […] don’t want to judge. I think about that ASTROLOGER I criticized, and she’s just a woman trying to make a […]

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