Men and Body Image: in Praise of Nerds of All Sizes!

Dudes, relax. You’re sexy the way you are.

I was talking to a friend the other day, and he was talking about how he feels like he needs to eat more to gain some weight.

He’s definitely a nerd– and that’s a good thing! I always like talking to him, because he has so much to say and knows a lot about different things. There’s no pressure for me to talk then, and I can just listen and enjoy whatever he wants to share.

He’s got a couple of things he really likes, and he will talk all day about those things. I know nothing about either of them, but that doesn’t matter because it’s just fun watching him go on about them. I’ve learned a lot!

Then he started looking down and saying he’s going to start working out, “Because I need to gain some weight.”

“No you don’t!” I told him. “You look great.”

He didn’t believe me, but he smiled.

Not every woman is hung up on biceps and a six pack. I’m certainly not! I’ve dated some of those types and they’re usually really vain and obsessed with the gym. They just wanna work out and eat protein shakes, and they’re so obsessed with themselves that half the time they don’t even notice you. Not to say all guys that are “in shape” are bad– they’re not! There’s some great jocks out there that are happy and attentive and wonderful.

But it just makes me sad that this guy, this great guy, is holding himself to that standard and thinking that he’s less than.

I told him as much, and that it’s better to be smart than vain d-bag! That he should be proud of himself as is, and to stop this nonsense about feeling like he needs to be someone different. He’s got a fast metabolism. That’s not his fault!

I told him how often women pinch my wrists and tell me “You need to eat!” How often people criticize me for being too small, too skinny, etc. I have a naturally fast metabolism, I’m petite, and and I have delicate bone structure. That’s the way God made me! I DO eat, and I enjoy it. This is just how I am made. It doesn’t mean I have an eating disorder, and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about not having a weight problem.

He seemed to feel a little better, when I told him that I get shit about how I’m built too.

Thankfully I’ve been blessed with boyfriends who were generously verbal about finding me attractive, and that’s helped me to have a great body image. But not everyone is that lucky.

Everyone knows that women struggle with body image, but so do men. Turns out, both genders are human!

Same goes on the other end of the spectrum.

And I say this with absolute truth. I would rather date an overweight guy who is kind and confident than a lean, “hot” guy who thinks he’s amazing and that women are disposable. Because that’s how a lot of the gorgeous ones are. They know they can get another woman, probably hotter than you, and younger– whenever they feel like it. They know exactly what to say, how to smile, and they have it down to a science. Dating is just a sales game for them. Those men have nothing to give, but they love to take.

And sadly, the only thing preventing a lot of “husky” dudes from a great relationship is themselves. If they could stop putting themselves down, talking about needing to lose weight, and getting angry about women rejecting them, they could notice the women who are probably interested in them. The women who laugh at their jokes, enjoy being around them, value their point of view.

My point?

Whatever you’ve got, is how God made you! Celebrate it. Stop trying to fit in, or change how you look.

Forget the mirror. Use your BRAIN! Just relax and be who you are, don’t hide your quirks.

There’s a lot of women, me included, who fall in love with quirks. And we’re totally relieved, because then WE are free to be our own ridiculous, quirky, nerdy selves.

Because lust doesn’t last. And what will keep a good partner around is your mind, your character. Not your success, not being “hot.”

I just like regular dudes. Not “hot,” not anything particular. But kind. Fun. Real.

The best thing about nerds is that they appreciate you. They try harder. They work hard to KEEP you.

And they’re just overjoyed to find someone else who is weird and happy to listen them nerd-out, so you can nerd-out together.


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