Why am I online dating? One reason.
I’m lookin’ for a good Catholic man. Not just one who was “raised” Catholic– but a right-now believer.
And to make things even more interesting, I’m a Catholic liberal. Whoa! Ideally, he would be too. But as long as he’s Catholic.
The kind who will go to Mass with me not because I drag him there, but because he’s tired of going alone. The kind who prays every day for those he loves, and thanks God for the gifts in his life. The kind who has been praying to meet a good Catholic woman– like me. Someone with whom I can share my faith, rather than debate it. Who will want to go on a retreat with me one day.
I’ve decided Catholicism is the one thing I will not surrender in my search.
Why do I want an actively Catholic man? Because if relationships are best built on common interests, I think religion ought to be the #1 common interest for me. Catholicism is not just my religion– it’s my culture. It’s my identity. I read books about Catholicism. I have a crucifix and rosaries on my wall. I adore Ash Wednesday.
Being Catholic is an inextricable part of my emotional fabric, and the framework of my value system. I hope to raise Catholic children someday, if I’m lucky.
I’ve ended relationships over religion. And it was excruciating– for both of us. I’ve done it twice– and never want to experience that again. There were other issues that came between us– but religion was a source of major contention. And after years of trying to find ways around it, one day I had to admit it was an impasse.
The ensuing sulfuric guilt still haunts me to this day, because they are both wonderful, loving men. I loved them both. And both have since moved on to new relationships, which is bittersweet indeed. I did everything possible to suspend my doubts about our compatibility and give those relationships a chance. I did it because they were courageous men of character, and I wanted a chance to be happy with them. Because they professed their love often and with passion. But they ultimately could not understand this one crucial aspect of me, even if they tried to be respectful.
Both were Atheists– the latter actually became Anti-Theist. At best, they tolerated my Catholicism. At worst, they considered me deluded.
And I need a man who not just tolerates my belief, but understands it. Who is attracted by it. Who challenges my faith to grow, not exist.
But ultimately, there’s another vitally important reason I will not compromise this one requirement.
I want a man who will pray with me. At dinner, when we are struggling, and especially when we are thankful!
Because a man who loves God is a man who believes in something higher than himself– who understands humility. A man who can be strong enough to surrender his life to a force unseen and TRUST enough to do His will first– that’s a man that will also dedicate himself to being a steadfast husband and father. That’s a man who knows the value in putting others first.
A man who trusts God is a man who can LOVE with tremendous conviction and prevail in times of strife with direction and faith– because he knows that it his not him, but HIM, who is in control.
I know that man is out there. I wish I could meet him the “regular” way– but these days, the regular way is becoming online.
So I’m just another bumbling soul, looking online for a good Catholic man who wants the same thing I do.