I heard that fantastic little chime on my Word Press app, and it made me smile.
But then I signed on and saw that I had hit the 100 followers mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God I didn’t quit.
And the more I open myself to what I really feel, the more people are relating.
I feel like Writing is an invisible superpower that I carry with me. I appear to be dimunitive and ordinary.
This mind is electric and these fingers are becoming intrepid.
And it’s all thanks to YOU, my stalwart, beautiful readers.
You challenge me and encourage me and remind me that someone is reading.
That I should keep Writing. That nothing makes me feel more alive!
And honestly, this moment right now– it makes me happier than any relationship ever did.
I’m happy this is happening when I’m single– I’m validating myself not by a man– but by recording my life as a woman.
A woman who is learning to accept herself, and communicate to others about it.
A woman who embraces her weakness, but finds power in vulnerability.
I love my emotions, because they make me strong. I’m intense and genuine and for that, I’m proud.
I’ve found so many excuses not to Write.
Mainly, I was worried about other people– I felt I didn’t deserve to write about my life. That it would be unethical somehow.
But I OWN this material! I lived it, cried in it, loved in it, failed in it and most importantly– LEARNED in it.
And I have every right to SHARE these experiences, because they’re mine.
The movie “Being Flynn,” has become one of my cardinal favorites. It’s my favorite Deniro movie, and Paul Dano and Julianne Moore are also excellent in it. But it’s about a father and son who are both writers– and they struggle to have a relationship, since the father has been out of his son’s life for 18 years. The son is trying to decide if he should forgive his father and give him a chance.
Deniro plays Jonathan Flynn, who is completely insane and also an arrogant, narcissistic prick. But I admire him, because he absolutely is convinced of his talent. Even when he is homeless, he just sees it as “gathering material.” Living in a shelter is an “opportunity to see how the other half lives.” He ends up inspiring his son Nick to pursue a writing career and achieve the success he could never get it together to enjoy as a writer himself. And he does it by being an unapologetic lunatic.
“I am a truly great writer,” he tells his son when they first meet. He’s proud of his rejection letter and carries it as a prize!
Watch this movie. It changed my life.
And any man who wants to love me is going to have to love my Writing too– because we’re a package deal. If he loves me, he’ll motivate and challenge me and REFUSE to let me give up.
I’ll quote Rainer Maria Rilke’s classic, “Letters to a Young Poet:”
“You are looking outward and, above all else, you must not do that now. No one can advise and help you, no one. There is only one way: Go within. Search for the cause, find the impetus that bids you to write. Put it to this test: Does it stretch out its roots in the deepest place in your heart? Can you avow that you would die if forbidden to write? Above all, in the most silent hour of your night, ask yourself this: Must I write? Dig deep into yourself for a true answer. And if it should ring its assent, if you can confidently meet this question with a simple, “I must,” then build your life upon it. It has become your necessity. Your life, in even the most mundane and least significant hour, must become a sign, a testament, to this urge.”
So again, THANK YOU, dear readers.
What a glorious Friday the 13th.