I’m up to NINETY-FIVE followers!!! (Bloggity Dance!)
I can’t believe how many times I’ve tried to quit this blog.
Truly, I think I felt that since I didn’t “know” where I was going with it, I should stop. And as my number of followers increased, I was simultaneously thrilled and scared.
Since this blog’s inception, I’ve been struggling with IF I want to commit to being a writer. I’ve been afraid that writing might scare off any men from wanting to truly be with me, because they wouldn’t want to be part of the material of my life. I was afraid that I would be famous. I was afraid that I would be judged. I was afraid that I would try, and worse– no one would care. That after all that worrying, I WOULDN’T make it.
But lately, I’m feeling increasingly confident and compelled to write.
I have so many stories to share! Why repress them?
My dear readers, thank you. You’ve taught me that I’m good just as I am.
My passion for writing is an inextricable from me as Catholicism. And while I was away from my blog, I did escape the pressure of it. But I found that I also missed it.
This blog has become like a best friend to me. It’s a community of people who, for some reason, want to follow my journey and believe in my writing.
I thought that writing made me neurotic or narcissistic.
But for me, writing is as healing as prayer. Many times, it IS an act of prayer.
It’s an overwhelming gift, and demands much reverence. It’s a huge responsibility.
Again and again, I ask God to tell me how I can use my writing for His will.
But I think Dory’s got an answer for me:
“Just keep swimming.”
I can’t be afraid to make mistakes, to be vulnerable, to be judged.
I have to just KEEP WRITING.
I tried to delete my archives because I wanted to erase aspects of my blog that reminded me of painful parts of my past.
But by deleting those posts and comments, I didn’t achieve anything.
I only lost some wonderful posts that I am proud that I wrote. I deleted dozens of comments that were incredible.
And I learned that my writing is valuable, because it’s ME.
I write. I blog.
And I’ll figure it out, one post at a time.
I’ll just keep blogging.