I’m back out there, after a sabbatical! The wilderness of online dating.
I just joined 13 days ago– and my profile is blowing up! I decided to take a different attitude this time. Before, I wrote a very detailed summary of my personality, with a lot of jokes in it. This time I kept it simple– and I focused on my core values, especially my faith. I injected a bit of humor. In the past, I was very specific about what kind of man I’m looking for– this time, I barely listed anything. I figure I’ll just tell them who I am, and the right one will come my way.
And hey, so far it’s working!
Tonight I went on my first date. And it was okay– but definitely not love. He was a nice enough guy, but not once in two hours did I really laugh. That’s the thing for me– I’ve gotta laugh. I’m looking for a partner and a best friend who will make me laugh until I can’t breathe, but has a heart bigger than Andre the Giant. I used to think I hated sarcastic guys, but I’ve realized over the years that they’ve grown on me. So many of my friends are wickedly sarcastic, and people always say that I am too. I don’t usually claim that description for myself, but for me it just means that I can laugh at myself and usually find the humor in anything– except when someone is just being blatantly ignorant or cruel.
He wore one of those cheesy vacation t-shirts, and I have to say it was a turn-off. I put effort into my style for dates! However if I had liked him, I probably would have found it charming.
He lost my vote when he said that blogging is completely “pointless,” and unimportant, because you can’t make any money doing it. Whoa, buddy. (In his defense, he was unaware that I’m a blogger.) But then he also said that he doesn’t believe in buying actual newspapers anymore– and that he was SHOCKED to see newspaper stands outside the coffee house where we met. He said he forgot they still exist?!!!
Dude. Game over.
But on the hand, I’m really glad I did meet this guy. I mentioned that I write, and he was really impressed that I write poems– like it was a big skill. He was astonished that I haven’t published in so long.
I told him my fear, that it would be a turn-off for guys I might be involved with– that they wouldn’t want to date a writer and be dragged into the material I produce. He said if it bothers someone I’m a writer, than they obviously are not the right person for me. And that was really sweet. He got major points for that.
And truthfully, I HAVE dated men who were so invested in my writing. In fact, my passion for writing and blogging was one of the chief things that attracted them to me. Why have I forgotten that?!
I think’s more about my own fear of exposure. Intellectually, and emotionally.
But I’m feeling more confident these days.
Sadly, the conversation never took off. So I livened it up by asking if he’d ever had any really bad dates– and he hadn’t. Not even one?! I told him about some of mine, and had him cracking up.
He was very Christian as well, so that was good. But I decided to use that to my advantage and have a little fun, too. I went on and on about nuns and how much I admire them– that I wish I could be one! (Truth, I have considered it. But I’m just not ready to answer The Call! I’m not ready to give up the idea of marriage and children. But social justice is important to me.)
We joked about him being a monk, but he’s not into their haircuts.
I was aiming to avoid having to turn down a second date and that awkward “Should we kiss?” moment outside. Victory! He gave me an awkward hug, and it was clear that I wasn’t the love of his life either.
No chemistry. No eye contact or lingering.
He didn’t say anything about calling me, and I was relieved.
We went our separate ways. I probably won’t hear from him again.
But I hope I gave HIM a good story about our date.
I’ll be “that one chick I went out with who wanted to be a nun!”