St. Patrick’s Day marked the SECOND Bloggiversary (now it’s a word– I’ve decided)– of my heart,
Pardon my tardiness in celebrating– I’ve been tired the past few weeks.
In two years, this blog has been viewed 11, 557 times and received 432 comments. It has been viewed in a flabbergasting mix of 86 countries! Thank you, Word Press, for the fantastic stats. That makes me feel stellar.
I’ve got to list some search terms here. They range from sweet to hilariously random to cryptic. It reminds me of the variety of topics I’ve blogged about. I’m proud. Some of these refer to specific posts I’ve written, which makes me happy because I know people are searching for those specifically even if they don’t comment. Just to know someone wants to read particular posts I’ve written multiple times makes me happy. Others elude me entirely but are quite amusing.
“Jason Biggs” – 212 times — I mention him in ONE post, and look at the traffic! Thanks to you and your adorable schnoz, Jason.
“unrelentingamee” 195 times– YES!
“billy idol accent”
“schmendrick the magician”
“cocktail dresses for tomboys”
“poolish deaf”– is that supposed to be Polish?
“saganaki has closed?”
“my friend called me a chihuahua”
“Bella Swan is a horrible character”
“but now im hotter”– got that right!
“not drinking as a lifestyle choice”
“i wear hearing aids” — cool!
“atheist 3 wise men story”
“Shawn michaels amee pants”– I can’t make this shit up!
“jack kerouac adhd”
“inside car hanging stylish permanent air freshener” — Hmmm… okay.
“jessica rabbit sharon stone”
“what’s the shame in the word vagina” — NONE! HA HA!
“I visited her grave a year ago”
and probably the most puzzling:
“i miss my amee” — that was last winter. Who misses me? Do they still?
I initially planned to end this blog on the two-year anniversary– I liked the symmetry. But a blog is a lot like a relationship. It’s a commitment. You invest a lot in it, and become deeply attached. You go through phases– infatuation, ambivalence, irritation, apathy, and trust. Just deleting my blog itself is one thing– but it’s the attachment I have to my readers that makes me not want to let go.
My subscriber list has fluctuated a bit, but the bulk of you have subscribed and stayed– whether I didn’t blog for a month or wrote three posts in one day. Some of you never commented, but told me how much you enjoyed my posts in conversations on facebook, by e-mail, or in person. Some of you comment prolifically, and it’s all I can do to keep up! But your willingness to hang in there did so much for my self-esteem as a writer. I knew that even if I didn’t feel inspired right then, you expected that I would in the future. And some of you never subscribed, but checked this blog every day on your own, and would call or text me about my posts. In a way, that meant even more.
Some of my friends never got into this blog. And that’s sad, because they missed out on a fundamental part of knowing me.
I know I won’t keep this blog forever. But right now just doesn’t seem like the time to say goodbye. Because truthfully, there’s a wonderful support system here, via the interwebs. And although I may be ambivalent about my blog at times, I’m not ready to give up ya’ll. And when my phone dings that there’s a new comment or a new subscriber? That’s a digital warm fuzzy.
Two years ago, I started this blog single. And I’m single now. I won’t say I’m happy about being single… because honestly, it is lonely. I’m strong enough to admit now that yeah, it’s not so fun anymore. Right now, I’m in a place of recovery. Before I invest in a new relationship again, I’m working on just me. I’m balancing my life in the way that I need first. I always talked about it in this blog– but I never did it. I’m doing that now. And emotionally and physically, those changes are exhausting— but necessary and ultimately, hopeful.
Thank you for your your devotion, comments and for being my motivation to continue writing. There’s more to come.
You’re not gettin’ rid of me yet!