This year, everybody’s been on me about my “List” and what I’m looking for in a relationship. Others tell me, “Stop looking!”
I thought I HAD stopped looking. But now I see that I hadn’t understood what that truly meant. I was still trying too hard. I even tried to go back to relationships that were over–thinking that circumstances had changed, and this time it would be different.
But once you break up once, it’s never the same. Maybe it works for others, but it hasn’t worked for me.
In my Twenties, I was Queen of The List! And I found what was on it– a several times.
And hey, still single! What does that prove? It proves that we find what we’re looking for, and that sometimes what we think we want is not what we actually need.
The truth, nothing about love is logical or adheres to a list we constructed while we were single. I think the only purpose of The List is to give us a sense of control when we feel uncertain that we’re going to find someone wonderful.
I love that line from “500 Days of Summer,” when Summer tells Tom what was different about the man she married:
“Summer: I just… I just woke up one day and I knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of when I was with you.”
It’s not a cruel thing to say– it’s the truth.
I think the difference in actual, mature love is just that: a sense of security. You trust each other, and the question is not IF you should be together– but only how you will overcome obstacles–together. I’ve seen the change in people close to me once they find a a partner who is compatible with them– and the struggle over “If” is never there. Only how.
I think the right partner makes you feel secure, rather than anxious. You want the same thing, and you know that. So you’re free to just get to know each other and enjoy it.
And when that time comes for me, I’ll know. But until then?
For the first time, I don’t feel this need to “find” someone anymore. I’ve tried that.
Like Diana Ross said, “You can’t hurry love.”