On the Gift of Solitude

In person I seem outgoing– and I can be extroverted at times. I work in sales! I have to be.

But when it comes down to it, I’m a very introspective person who enjoys solitude as well.

Maybe that’s why I adore driving so much. I used to constantly rock out to music in my car– I’ve never been a talk radio fan. I’ve had my share of phone conversations while driving, not gonna lie. But I find myself doing it so much less often these days.

Lately, I’m really enjoying the beauty of silence while I drive.

And I’m usually alone, or only have one person at a time in my car. Once in awhile I have two or three passengers–but rarely. I prefer to hang out with people one-on-one. That’s for practical reasons as well, since with my hearing-loss even small groups of three can be exhausting when trying to keep up with conversation.

But I wonder, how do mothers do it? I see mothers driving with their cars or SUV’s full of children, and am flabbergasted. How do they concentrate? It seems like one of the most dangerous things you can do. And on top of having to drive defensively, they are mediating sibling arguments and worrying about the safety of all the occupants of the car– are they wearing seat belts? Are the doors locked securely? What if one of the kids is crying or an older child is angry?

There must be special angels for mothers, because I’m in awe of how they somehow deal with all that distraction and navigate traffic simultaneously. What is it like to have your entire existence devoted to the safety and care of others, to the point where you sometimes don’t have time for your own basic needs?

As a single woman, I don’t know if children are part of my future. I’d feel honored to take on that role, but I admit it’s quite intimidating. I imagine every parent questions themselves– do they have what it takes to provide, to overcome their insecurities and be a role model?

But right now, I feel grateful for this time alone. I realize that although periodically lonely,  most people never enjoy the amount of quiet and time alone that I’ve been given in my life. Either they grow up with siblings, always trying to claim space and time of their own, or they spend most of their lives sharing space with others. Some people move directly from home to college roommates or in with a spouse, and then they have children.

They’ve never had their own space, they’ve forgotten long ago what it’s like to have quiet.

Someday I will gladly share my life with a man who wants to be in it.  And I don’t assume I’ll have children when I’m not even in a relationship, because that’s a decision you make as a couple. But right now, the calm is nice. All things come in their own time.

And this has been Deep Thoughts, with Amee Bohrer. Hee.

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2 comments on “On the Gift of Solitude

  1. mancuso79 says:

    Just don’t hide yourself away too long. It’s no fun being alone. Trust me. I know.

    • You have a good point. Sometimes it becomes a habit that’s difficult to break. I’m still a quixotic sap! Just focusing other things right now– goals, money, etc. They say the thing to do is focus on becoming who you want to be, and the rest will fall into place. That’s what I believe now. Because I’m not going to find happiness with another person if I don’t have it with myself first. I learned that the hard way.

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