Hair Metal Amazement: Rock of Tom Cruise’s Abs

Original publish date: July 22, 2012

I just got home from seeing “Rock of Ages,” for the first time. Why I waited so long, I cannot justify.

ME, the quintessential and unflagging fan of everything Eighties.

I went because honestly, I needed to be reminded of something positive and more innocent in the aftermath of the fatal shootings in Aurora, Colorado. Since finding out yesterday, that’s all’s been on my mind.  I’m planning on devoting my next column to it, so I won’t elaborate here. Suffice to say, I needed a break from all the reading, discussing and researching I’ve been doing to discover how best to present the facts, as well as my opinion. There are so many angles, which do I choose? Which is most important? That’s what I’m discovering.

I’ll post the column here, as usual, when it runs.

Until then, tonight was EXACTLY what I needed.

I had no plans, and decided to take myself out to see a fun movie, to re-energize myself. I went alone, and showed me a good time. I wore a neon green ’80s style loose t-shirt, slipped off one shoulder– and pastel shorts. Big hair. My ticket was only $2, and I treated myself to a drink, popcorn, and the key– Raisinets.

And ROCKED out. I’ve honestly never had so much fun alone at a movie. I was two seats away from two ladies– and if they thought I was obnoxious, they blessedly didn’t betray it to me. And likely I was– I was singing most of the songs, though usually under my breath. I was squealing and cheering and fist-pumping.

And can I just say, that Tom Cruise has been crazy long enough that I simply FORGOT how sexy he truly is??

I mean, OBSERVE.

You're welcome.

You’re welcome

WOW. AND he can SING? I’ve been a fan of his movies since always. But honestly,  his role as Stacee Jaxx is just my favorite. Who knew he could look so good in long hair and channel Axl Rose so flawlessly? It’s hard to remember that in the ’80s Cruise was just becoming an icon– via movies. Because honestly he is entirely too convincing as a typical aging hair metal front man. I was so enthralled by his stage presence I’m sort of hoping he’ll quit movies and go on tour.

Okay, enough gushing over him.

Can I just say that it’s hilariously ironic that Sebastian Bach, lead singer of Skid Row, was merely an EXTRA in a movie devoted to his own era?? Sad indeed, since he’s got the vocals to put Cruise to shame and 25 years ago  was what I consider the hottest of all hair metal men. The HAIR, the NAME, the height! He had a chance to come back as a Broadway star, but blew off performances of Jekyll & Hyde and Jesus Christ Superstar, and now he doesn’t even have a line in this awesome movie.

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