Tonight, two of my girlfriends confided in me about the men they love. They are both ambivalent, unsure of what to do or how to choose. They are afraid of letting go, afraid of moving forward. They feel stuck, and don’t want to think about it.
They want so much for these relationships to work, but have valid doubts about the future. They are questioning themselves, unsure if they are strong enough to make a choice either way.
I am so grateful that they chose me to listen. Especially because both these women give so much, and I know with all my heart that they will be okay regardless of what happens with the men over which they are agonizing. They are both a stalwart friend to me, who listen when it’s me on the other end. When I’m unsure of what to feel or if a man is worth my time, they never roll their eyes. They listen. They aren’t in a hurry to get off the phone, they don’t tell me what to do. They listen– they let me talk. Because it’s what I need, because it’s what friends do.
Sometimes we just need to hear from a friend that whatever we decide, they love us. That they believe in us, and believe in our ability to make the right choices for ourselves. Tonight, I hope they my dear friends understand that I believe in their ability to know their own heart. That whatever choice they ultimately make, it will be the right choice because they are smart women who are brave enough to follow their gut.
And regardless of if you’re in a relationship or not, it never works if you don’t love yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, you can’t accept love –especially from the person who wants so much to give it to you. It’s a cliche– but entirely unavoidable.
The crappy thing is, sometimes loving yourself means you have to take a huge risk. That may involve ending a relationship, and focusing on the relationship with yourself. That may involve making a major sacrifice to advance a relationship to the next level, or trying to find some compromise if possible.
None of the options are easy, and both take tremendous courage and careful thought.
But whatever they choose, I know it’ll be the right one.
I’ve made some relationship choices that caused me or a man that I cared about a lot of pain. But ultimately, they were the right choices.
I believe that because at the end of the day, I trust myself.
Tonight I’ll be praying for these two phenomenal girlfriends of mine, hoping they realize the power of their intuition.
Even if they don’t know what to believe, I believe in them.